Making Up Your Mind About Love

"You know, I think I'm falling in love!" You have probably heard this a lot of times (movies excluded) from people you know (you included). Don't you find anything strange about the statement: "...I'm falling in love!" Do you think this means you tripped, fell on a hole, and there's love all around? Do you think it also means you were dizzy, saw things around you whirling and you fell on the floor face down on top of a word spelled "L-O-V-E"? Do you think most people who got married fell in love? You mean they had no conscious will to just love someone? They have to fall into it? Honestly, I think it's a lot of bull----! I never really subscribed to this falling in love thing. I hate not being able to decide who to care about or what to care about. Love is such a strong concept and one of the most complex human emotions should not be trifled with statements that implies an accidental involvement. Can we not just decide to love someone? We're not dogs driven by instincts. We are a complex creature (well I still think we are!) You find someone. You get to know them. (Check this out because I used the word "know".) You just don't feel that they are good or bad, smart or dumb, happy or sad. You can understand and you can know if people are good, bad, smart, dumb, happy or sad. You just know. Just as you would know how beautiful a flower is. How brightly the sun illuminates your world. How someone can lighten us up by their words. We just know. Now how can the concept like love be driven down to a statement like "falling in love". I think is better to hear people say that "I know and I have decided that I will love you." My wife Marilyn always ask me the same thing when our wedding anniversary starts creeping around the corner (like several weeks ahead). She always starts with, "it was not so long ago when we started out with just the two of us!" We literally (swear to God) just had one bag of clothes each when we got married and nothing else. "Why me? You had so many women and you ended up with me. Why me?" She is always asking me this! I always had the same answer. "You know I am a very selfish person. I decided that I want to be happy for the rest of my life. I decided that I will love you for the rest of my life. I know, I always know that I will love you and my loving you will make me happy. See how selfish I am! I made a decision to be happy. I made a decision to love someone. I did not have an accident and "fell in love". Most people who meet an accident when falling in love don't know what will hit them so they wake up to a concept called "divorce". I don't believe in divorce. I made a decision to love someone. I committed to that decision because I was awake when I made it. I know life is not easy. Somehow it made the hardest part worth going through because there is someone you love who willingly go through that same thing with you. I know it was not easy for her. Just as I decided to love her, I also decided not to mess up her life by making a mess out of mine. I know she loves me. She wakes up early just to make sure I have a hot meal (and she is such a great cook you just can't go on an honest diet with her). She forgets to look after herself just for me and the kids. I know that too. (It's the reason she always have a weekend off whether she likes it or not. She still feels guilty using her weekends off and this is our tenth year together). When I was in high school I just had this urge to learn how to wash the dishes, clean the floor, change diapers, iron and wash my own clothes and now I know why. It was the only way I can give Marilyn her day off. If I don't wash the dishes on weekends, don't change the baby's diaper, don't wash the clothes and iron them, Marilyn can't have her day off now. It such a wonder to realize this. I haven't even met her and I was already preparing myself years ago to give my wife her weekend off. I really did not fall in love. I know now that a long time ago that I will have a wife. I will love her and I will give her a weekend off from a husband like me. I know I love her because I made up my mind a long time ago.